On her father’s birthday when everyone gathered to cut the cake, she slid away to her room oblivious to everyone else. But I noticed this and was in fact apprehending this for some time now. I followed her to the room, sat beside her and saw her sniffling. I held her hand and then I paused. It was a long pause. I have brought myself to a state where I can either repeat rhetoric condolences and sympathy or instigate her to breakdown.
I wonder at the inexhaustive & infinite stock of feelings and the subsequent expressions experienced in life. Your growth is directly proportional to the level and variety of outlook you garner. Just when you think you have experienced it all, there springs a time which demands a completely unknown yet appropriate reciprocation of your feelings to a particular predicament.
It has been 6 months since her father had passed away. He was in his mid-sixties and his unexpected demise caught everyone in shock & trepidation. During his lifetime, I had the opportunity to interact with him 2-3 times only. From my limited rendezvous with him and the collected episodes of his interaction with his family & friends, I could easily draw that he was deeply soaked in a life-sized personality, the principal perpetrator of the infectious laughter, a voracious reader, an avid adventurer and carried with him a jovial weather wherever he went. To illustrate him any further is beyond me and will not be justifiable since I had exchanged very few dialogues with him from our scanty brush ups.
She has inherited almost all of her father’s traits and carries an equally cheerful attitude. Full of life and fervor she often regrets not pursuing a career in planning parties/celebrations. I personally think she would have excelled beyond par. When a person living in joie de vivre, is subjected to such a tragedy, the consequence cannot be predicted. She drank her emotions and absorbed the sympathies of the people who asked her to be strong and to hide her tears. But now all this was tearing her apart inside and she wanted to let it out.
Today on her father’s birthday, close friends have been invited for lunch. The hostesses & the guests did their best to surrender themselves to the occasion and to keep the inevitable inkling of reminiscence at the minimum.
What I learnt here is that you cannot generalize grief because no consolation is common. I didn’t know how or what to say at that time. It seemed like I erased all my thoughts, forgot all my adjectives, lost my voice and emotions drew a blank! I did not feel the remorse as it demanded in this case. It’s not that I am a robot but how could I bring myself to the bereavement of the person whom I had so few interactions with. Moreover, I have not lost a father and therefore I think I would be insulting the situation if I am to say “I can understand how you must be feeling”. I was struggling to say something but in vain. My hands got embarrassed from my obtuseness and it withdrew from hers. I just hope she ignored my stupidity. Once she got up and refreshed herself I realized that instant how I just experienced a totally different emotional scenario and couldn’t reciprocate accordingly.
“Life is a mystery” gave birth to a new dimension for me. There are things, emotions per say which is beyond our understanding until the time comes when you experience them on your own.
I pray his family finds it in their heart to overcome the misery and accept life as it is.
And I pray he RIP.
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